“When I got sober and I suddenly had to confront all the reasons why I indulged that death drive, I realised that actually all the things that I thought were bad about me were actually potentially really good qualities. Like wanting to sit and reason about meaning, about process, and to ask the awkward questions about myself, about everyone else and things like art. I convinced myself that my interest in art, the esoteric aspects of philosophy or modes of expression, are not bad, they’re not pretentious, they’re just my interests, that’s just what drives me. I just have to find the correct ways of indulging that inclination.
After I came to terms with all the things that drove me to become an addict, I found that I had it within me to be able to create and express and pursue the unknown, in tandem with wanting to be able to understand why I’m doing it. The two things don’t have to exclude themselves.
I think I’ve reached a point where knowing about how something works doesn’t mean it detracts from the excitement of the unknown, the potential is infinite. Because you know about recording methods, about what it takes to write a song, or structure a song, from all these channels into a stereo recording, that doesn’t mean that the stuff that that precedes it isn’t still this cornucopia of the inexpressible. The universe is full of mystery, human existence is full of mystery, so being able to try and experience that through the medium of music is an ever-changing, ever-progressing, ever-more beautiful way to try and understand it.”